Sunday, March 11, 2007

Sugar Rush

I finally did it, I have done what no person has done before - I've made it further than any other settler. And I have proof! Here we have the remains of the last settlers to make it this far:


I moved into my room in the townhouse I'll be sharing with three other guys. So far eveything is good with two exceptions.

Firstly, I know what those settlers died of; a heart attack or kidney failure brought on be extreme cases of type 2 diabetes. From what I can tell everything here copious amounts of sugar. I got some "pure" orange juice, that along with a piece of cheese here makes me feel sick from the ensuing sugar rush (a sugar rush for me usually means feeling sleepy without being able to get to sleep.)

I've also started to suffer from dehydration as the flat members here have committed the most unforgivable of sins:

It took about two hours for me to start ransacking the kitchen for items of interest, my self-restraint up to this point had been incredible - I'd even properly unpacked. Entering the kitchen, as is often the case, was a pleasant experience. Birds started singing in the trees, somewhere a child was born, and in the distance children were playing happily on the highway. I started opening cupboards, sneering at my new house-mates noticeably grease free choice in foods and distinct lack of neeps.

I ate one hundred and eighty-six grapes (the six really small ones didn't count) and tested out the fabled Oreo and milk combination, however just to keep you on your toes they put salt in the Oreos instead of an extra serving of sugar. In the back of my mind, as I continued my innocent and idle filled activity, an anxiety was building. As I went from item to item and browsed my fantastic selection from the most expensive shop I had ever done the anxiety started to crescendo.

My eyes scanned every inch of the kitchen, my heart started to beat faster and faster. The birds turned out to be vultures and hadidas, the newborn babe a gross three eyed alien bent on world domination, the children on the highway... well their fate was inevitable really.

There was no kettle.

A brief, hope-dashing conversation with my landlord and house-mate Merlin confirmed this.

I cannot live in a tealess world... my project for tomorrow is clear.

A Tealess World:

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3 Comments:

At 9:59 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

You travel over the Atlantic and think you're going to miss family, friends, British cuisine, warmer weather... but would have thought your would be denied that cornerstone of civilisation - tea!

By the way, good blogging! SD

 
At 10:36 AM , Blogger Dish said...

ah tea... my appreciation for it has increased severalfold since I have been in France. This makes no sense as tea is about double the price of coffee here and doesn't taste as good as at home... the cornerstone of civilisation indeed!

 
At 2:47 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Welcome to Canada!
Bet you've a pretty good coffee maker somewhare though.

 

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