Possibilities

This is how I intend to handle those awkward clarification conversations with female friends in the future.

I finally got some work to do at my job, it livens the tedium of my job just enough mean I won't be finding excuses to miss work for a week or two. Plus which someone who I'm pretty sure is my superior within my company asked my permission to do something which tickles me a little.

I'm thinking I need to do a poll for the next job I do to see what people think I should be doing with my future. Naturally I will profusely ignore the result of this poll, but you can be comforted by the knowledge that sub-consciously, human need for acceptance and a desire for you to buy me food at some point in the future will mean I'll probably give it more credit than I should. I can't be bothered working out how to set up a proper poll however so you'll just have to vote by comments.

So here are the options of work I could try to pursue over the next 2-3 years as general life experience prior to any future ministry (salaries directly relate to how many coffees/meals I buy you all over the course of these jobs):

1. Hobo (30-40k per annum)
2. Police Force (20-32k per annum)
3. Social Care (13-20k per annum)
4. Education (11k-33k per annum - support not teaching – maybe next year for the latter)
5. Modelling (138,386 per annum + ad contracts)
6. Civil Service (11-14k of your tax £'s per annum)
7. Soap Box Preaching (20p per/hr – unless snapped up to be a TV Evangelist in the first week)
8. Toy Boy (180k per annum + good food)
9. Tedious Admin Jobs (14-22k per annum + suicidal urges + £1.2 million worker compensation for the 'faulty chair' that slit my wrists + the enlightenment of a near death experience)

I also need to say that my brother is no longer addicted to computer games and resents the fact that I haven't mentioned this earlier as he hasn't been for a month and a bit and won't be until November. Yay.

A Pleasant Pause

I feel like I'm feeding all my work into a black hole at the moment.
From what I can tell the primary reason I lack work is because every time I run something by my boss I never hear from it again. If I print off the work I'm currently on and then hover over him asking 'have you read it yet' every two minutes he might look at it with morbidly glazed eyes and then spitefully scribble over it in red pen before handing it back to me.

Admittedly he's obsessed with a major project we're on but even work relating to this disappears when I send it to him to be reviewed.

I got in trouble for using the internet at work. I have nothing to do and have consequently spent many days reading through random articles on wikipedia and re-reading what web comics I can access with their site restrictions. Unfortunately the head of division's office is right by my work station which means that when I spent an entire week earning tax payer money by reading webcomics he thought I was sitting staring at a screensaver I'd downloaded all day.

It's a fair point really, if they're paying me to sit and do nothing all day then I really should be doing nothing to the best of my ability; not ducking out of a hard day working at nothing by doing something. I'm quite good at doing nothing at home, or on the bus or during my breaks but not at doing nothing at work – it suddenly becomes an exceptionally difficult task. An example of this is happening right now, I'm writing this at work, which given I still work just out side the division head's office is risky business.

I would consider placing my Bible in some easily read yet concealed position but unfortunately I bought a Bible that has size 6 font making it incredibly difficult to read without peering very closely at it. I've also found that reading your Bible at work is the worst kind of witness – it gives off various signals like; "I'm holier than you!", or if they're also reading a Bible; "Did you notice I'm reading the New King James Version, I'm holier than you!" and in response to a comment from your colleagues; "No I didn't notice I was reading it upside down, it's er… in Hebrew… I'm holier than you!" It also hints that the reason you do no work is because you're reading your Bible, therefore accentuating the perception that Christian's are slackers, which lets face it is unfortunately, usually true.

This does not apply however if you've been a good evangelist, in which case they all know you're Christian and any activity you do is necessarily hypocritical and holier than thou, even drinking your afternoon tea. (Given I bring in loose tea courtesy of Mans Felt, with my own strainer they may be justified with this belief.)

Anyway, the obvious solution is to be a ninja Christian. The key to ninja evangelisation is to gospelise people on swift and stunning blows, that way they don't realise that you're a Christian until they're converted and, by that time, join you in your ninja quest.